of loving like Jesus.

last summer I was driving through the main intersection in the city closest to me, and I saw a man begging for money.  This isn't something I regularly see coming from a small town, and I don't think I'd ever seen anybody standing on that little piece of cement to separate the lanes at this intersection before in this particular nearby city before.  I was immediately reminded of a very dear friend of mine who had once told me that she often gives money to homeless people as she knows how desperate many of them are just for a simple coffee or small meal, regardless of shelters or other places that offer to supply basic needs.  Her brothers had been an addicts, living on the streets, for years, and she was able to testify by their lives of the needs homeless people have that do go deeper than just finding the next fix such as the need to be loved, valued, honoured - the same things that all of us need.  More often than not when we see homeless people begging for money we assume the worst: "They'll probably spend it on drugs and alcohol!"  As I drove away from that man, without rolling down my window and avoiding eye contact, I was struck with the conviction that I should have just given him some money.

Last week I was visiting with my sister outside of Vancouver, where there is a very large homeless population.  We were at an intersection and there was a man standing there begging.  I was reminded and flung into this internal struggle about what to do.  A part of me was brought back to the summer when I didn't give, but as we once again drove away I realized I missed the opportunity for a second time.  A couple days later we were at another intersection and saw a man standing there with a little sign.  It was pouring rain that day (as it often does in Vancouver) and I knew that this would be the time.  He was on the drivers side, and my sister was driving, so I whipped out my wallet and had her put down her window and give the man some money.  After her window was shut and he walked by she turned to me and said, "That much!  Why did you do that!?  He'll probably go spend it on drugs!"  I don't know if I even reacted...I probably said something like, "yeah...well..." very meekly.  I didn't have an answer about why I gave him money, I just knew I should.

This week while reading through 1 John I was convicted once again about giving, but this time I was also given my reason why.  I read,

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.  But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?  Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."

It was here when I understood.  We assume and think, "Why would you do that!?  They'll just go spend it on drugs!" which holds us back from offering from what is usually an abundance.  Then I thought about the love that Christ gave to us.  How He stepped out of heaven to enter our incredibly broken world.  I wonder if there was anybody there when He left His perfect surroundings to say, "Why would you do that!?  They're going to reject you!  They're going to keep lying and stealing and killing and sleeping around!"

Jesus knew what we'd do with the gift He gave us.  He knew we'd do drugs, and get drunk, and sleep around, and lie to our parents about it, and betray our friends.  He knew it.  And He still gave us everything He had.

So why shouldn't I give that homeless guy some money?  I don't even know what He'll do with it.  And it's just a bit of money, and I would have really liked to have Starbucks later on that day.  I can get over it.  Who knows if that money was just the thing he needed - that kindness was something that affirms to him that there are people who care, and this drives him on to do desire to live another day.  I don't know if that money will bring him the smile he needs or help him buy the warm meal he hasn't had in weeks or if he'll bring it home to his family or if he'll buy a bunch of alcohol.  I don't know.  I don't know the outcome.  But Christ knows that loving people is worth it and He sees the outcome and He works in ways that are bigger and mightier and more mysterious then I could every actually understand.

This doesn't make me some awesome person whose heart is so pure and willing to toss my money at people.  I will more then likely turn a blind eye to the next 20 homeless people I see.  But I pray that the Lord is igniting an awareness in me to love as He loved, to give myself to people because I don't know the outcome.  He knew the outcome and He loved us more than that.

I want to love like that.

erika