pretty simple, straight forward title this time around! I'm here, people! I've been settled in for about 5 days now, in a little cozy room that I share with one roommate. Its like a real college experience! Bunk beds, a desk, shared bathrooms, our own coffee maker/tea station (kettle yet to arrive, however), photo's covering my wall and floor mates that are absolutely superb. And my roommate? She's the bomb. God knows what He's doing.
The base here at YWAM Montana Lakeside (and you should all go and 'like' their Facebook page, and check out the video - you may see someone you know and her roommate :)) feels a lot like a camp. I've also been privileged (yes, privileged) to receive breakfast prep as my work duty for the 9 months I'll be living here (everybody has a different work duty around the base to help maintain all the spaces). We had the opportunity to pick our top 3 preferences of work duties - of which mine were: 1. Snack bar (making latté's? I'm pro!) or 2. Library (I can't say the word, but hey! I love books and quiet time) or 3. SBS Hospitality (prepping the tea/coffee for lectures? - joy!). And somehow, I get to be up at 5:30am every morning every other week in order to boil water and mix the oatmeal. However, once I found out this was my work duty, I wasn't resentful or upset. In fact, I was quite ecstatic. It didn't take me long to realize that I had an awesome team to work with (we're the A team. seriously) - and we're from 6 different countries! And there are only 6 of us, so hey, that's pretty sweet! Have you seen that youtube clip of all the nations singing "How Great is Our God"? That's basically what it's like in the mornings with that group. We've got a guy from Thailand and one from Norway. Then there are 3 other ladies - a Korean, a Swede, and an American. It's awesome. I feel like the luckiest student on base - early mornings and all.
As for school stuff - we've finished our first book already! We started with Philemon and basically did all of our work in class. For the first 3 weeks we have what's called "seminar" where we learn the basics of the inductive method while also studying the first few books together in class. We have seminar twice a day every day, but after 3 weeks we'll split off into our different sessions (Red, White, or Blue (oh, hey, America!)) and then have lectures 3 times a week, with study time all in between. Say hello to discipline, erika!
I'll admit I've been working on really discerning where I'm at with being here at SBS. It's bizarre that I've been so fortunate enough to get 9 full months to invest in the most important relationship I will ever be a part of. Yet - I'm feeling a little stuck. The other day we had our first base wide worship to start the week off, and as I was worshiping I was hit with sudden feelings, similar to what I had experienced a few weeks ago and had written about (here). Then as I stopped singing and just listened, hoping the Lord would speak and I would hear, I sensed Him saying, "Spring doesn't happen over night."
It's true. For the past year and half I've been in a season of winter. This all came about when I really started over running (is this a term?) with ministry. I was taking on way too much, and not taking in enough self care and love from my Father. It took a conversation with a sweet friend for me to realize how much I needed to stop, and to realize just how much I was filling my life with the wrong things - all in the name of Jesus. Hey - it's great to do stuff in His name, but He also calls us to the pastures to rest (Psalm 23), and if we don't stop and take that, life will become routine - 'do and do, do and do, rule on rule' as Isaiah (28:12-13) put its. And that's what my life was. And to be honest - that's what I need to break free from. That season was comparable to winter - and the thaw that comes after winter doesn't happen in a heartbeat. There are mornings you wake up and smell the fresh spring breeze, the scent of rain clean on the grass and you know spring is coming. But how do we know spring is ever actually arrived? It's hard to tell. There are snippets and signs, but spring is in full bloom when we're verging on summer. Spring is a time of transition - a beautiful, new, bright, exciting transition. Something to anticipate and experience often. Long walks in rubber boots, splashing in puddles and getting way too muddy. Early mornings where the sun is actually peeking through the clouds. Nights that get later and get you pumped for long summer nights. And that's where I am. A lot of my winter was brought on because of me - but I do not doubt that the Lord was with me, and was leading me through the blizzards, and He was the One who handed me the sunglasses when the sun was reflecting so brightly off the snow I could no longer see. He was always there - speaking through friends, creation, times of rest, the moments of silence. He was there.
And He is here. And I do look forward to this next season. It's going to be crazy hard (reading each book of the Bible 5 times in 9 months? Yup.) but it will be good. It will be something exciting, bright, fresh, beautiful - and new. Just like spring.
"Spring doesn't happen over night."
And thank you for that, Jesus, or else we'd miss the goodness.
stay tuned, friends.
[ps. for updates on some more specifics, see the column on the right. Contrary to what I previously wrote, I am posting the mailing address. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.]
9.27.2013
9.16.2013
of hoping for mystery {part 3}
Here are my final thoughts (for now) on the topic of "modesty". I don't have much to say to really finish this little series off. I hope you take into consideration not so much what you are wearing as so much as you wonder to yourself (and then take action) on why you are wearing what you've chosen to wear. I am looking forward to studying this topic" much more in depth over the next year or so, and I will make you all very aware of the conclusions when I make them! In case you are just hopping in, I encourage you to read {part 1} and {part 2} before reading {part 3}. I hope you've enjoyed these thoughts with me - I have certainly enjoyed all the conversations (and will likely continue to enjoy them!! :))
The Reason
The conversation still rings in my ears. I was considering, with Holy Spirit, why this summer, like every other summer, I would choose to wear a bikini.
Holy Spirit: Why do you feel the need to wear a bikini?
Erika: Well because I like to tan my stomach.
HS: And who sees your stomach?
E: I do.
*silence*
HS: Congratulations, you just found the world’s thinnest argument.
It was then that I first asked why. Why did I feel the need to dress in a way that showed off more of my skin to more people than the amount of skin my sheets saw when I crawled into bed at night? And I just didn’t have an answer. My response was weak and stretching to be justified, as if I had good reason for never having thought this out before. Yet – a part of me felt freedom in the conclusion. A whole wonderful, mysterious, seemingly new part of me actually got excited about the thought of covering up on the beach. Not that I was prepared to wear a burka, but the prospect of swimsuit shopping to purchase a suit that meant I did not have to work out and get “beach body ready” sounded like a great plan to me! So I set off with the goal in mind of buying a suit that made me look great, but still covered up that area of skin that I no longer felt the need to show. It was as if I had been waiting my whole life to hear that it was okay that I did not express my “comfortability” by wearing very little material for a very expensive price.
Right before I experienced this freedom I came to the conclusion with a slam of my latté down on the table that startled my friend. In my mind, it all came down to being about me, God and my future husband. As marriage is something I desire, would not it only make sense to dress in a way that my husband will respect? If I am only dressing for me I can justify wearing anything, whether it is socially acceptable or not. When I think only for myself and my interests, I act selfishly and in vain. If I am only dressing for me and God I will likely fall into the traps the church has unfortunately laid for women that says your body is a distraction and men are too weak to deal with the sight of them, creating in me a sense of shame that was never God’s intention when He first clothed Adam and Eve. He clothed them, I believe, to show them the depth of His love and the yearning for redemption in the area of relationship. This is where respecting your husband, above all other men, comes in.
The fact of the matter is that every man will likely feel respected in a different way. The challenge that I face is this: what kind of man would I like to attract? If I am looking to attract a man who wants me to make sure the world sees what a looker he has got, I will make sure to wear outfits that attract him in the first place. If I am looking to attract a man of God, I will dress in a way that keeps my God-given body shrouded in mystery.
Scripture calls wives to submit to their husbands as husbands submit to God. Ephesians 5:22-33 talks us through how a man ought to love his wife, and it is repeated that he is to love “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” and that “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” If, when I marry, my body is joined to his and we become one, then that means that the way I dress now is not just about me, but about me, God and my husband because my body belongs to them.
I have heard it said that “good things come to those who wait.” Frequently we ignore this phrase because are not patient enough to wait and see what the good thing will be. But when it comes to modesty I think we need to take time to wait and consider the implications of our actions if we remove the responsibility of somebody else’s sin and place the ownership back where it belongs. This is a double edged sword as it does not give us free reign to do whatever we want, but own what is ours in turn. That said, it is not possible to stop any man from lusting after any one woman. However it is possible for each woman to dress in a way that honours the man she desires to submit to. Through this act of humility she honours God with the motivation of her heart postured in a pure, selfless manner. With this mindset I glean a sense of freedom in the way I dress as it sets boundaries that are respectable to me and hopefully my future husband. It proves modesty to be a lot simpler than rules and slogans that only confuse young people, tricking them into thinking that modesty is only about one person, with no consideration of a God who sees their heart or future spouse who may be watching. There is a freedom in modesty that needs to be redeemed, that needs to be fought for. It is through selflessness that we will achieve such a paradigm, looking to the interests of our God and our husband. As women this issue is something that will constantly be a battle we fight, but if we have our foundations rooted in the Christ of grace and love we will experience the freedom He came to bring us.
The Conclusion
Dictionary.com defines “modesty” as:
The Reason
The conversation still rings in my ears. I was considering, with Holy Spirit, why this summer, like every other summer, I would choose to wear a bikini.
Holy Spirit: Why do you feel the need to wear a bikini?
Erika: Well because I like to tan my stomach.
HS: And who sees your stomach?
E: I do.
*silence*
HS: Congratulations, you just found the world’s thinnest argument.
It was then that I first asked why. Why did I feel the need to dress in a way that showed off more of my skin to more people than the amount of skin my sheets saw when I crawled into bed at night? And I just didn’t have an answer. My response was weak and stretching to be justified, as if I had good reason for never having thought this out before. Yet – a part of me felt freedom in the conclusion. A whole wonderful, mysterious, seemingly new part of me actually got excited about the thought of covering up on the beach. Not that I was prepared to wear a burka, but the prospect of swimsuit shopping to purchase a suit that meant I did not have to work out and get “beach body ready” sounded like a great plan to me! So I set off with the goal in mind of buying a suit that made me look great, but still covered up that area of skin that I no longer felt the need to show. It was as if I had been waiting my whole life to hear that it was okay that I did not express my “comfortability” by wearing very little material for a very expensive price.
Right before I experienced this freedom I came to the conclusion with a slam of my latté down on the table that startled my friend. In my mind, it all came down to being about me, God and my future husband. As marriage is something I desire, would not it only make sense to dress in a way that my husband will respect? If I am only dressing for me I can justify wearing anything, whether it is socially acceptable or not. When I think only for myself and my interests, I act selfishly and in vain. If I am only dressing for me and God I will likely fall into the traps the church has unfortunately laid for women that says your body is a distraction and men are too weak to deal with the sight of them, creating in me a sense of shame that was never God’s intention when He first clothed Adam and Eve. He clothed them, I believe, to show them the depth of His love and the yearning for redemption in the area of relationship. This is where respecting your husband, above all other men, comes in.
The fact of the matter is that every man will likely feel respected in a different way. The challenge that I face is this: what kind of man would I like to attract? If I am looking to attract a man who wants me to make sure the world sees what a looker he has got, I will make sure to wear outfits that attract him in the first place. If I am looking to attract a man of God, I will dress in a way that keeps my God-given body shrouded in mystery.
Scripture calls wives to submit to their husbands as husbands submit to God. Ephesians 5:22-33 talks us through how a man ought to love his wife, and it is repeated that he is to love “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” and that “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” If, when I marry, my body is joined to his and we become one, then that means that the way I dress now is not just about me, but about me, God and my husband because my body belongs to them.
I have heard it said that “good things come to those who wait.” Frequently we ignore this phrase because are not patient enough to wait and see what the good thing will be. But when it comes to modesty I think we need to take time to wait and consider the implications of our actions if we remove the responsibility of somebody else’s sin and place the ownership back where it belongs. This is a double edged sword as it does not give us free reign to do whatever we want, but own what is ours in turn. That said, it is not possible to stop any man from lusting after any one woman. However it is possible for each woman to dress in a way that honours the man she desires to submit to. Through this act of humility she honours God with the motivation of her heart postured in a pure, selfless manner. With this mindset I glean a sense of freedom in the way I dress as it sets boundaries that are respectable to me and hopefully my future husband. It proves modesty to be a lot simpler than rules and slogans that only confuse young people, tricking them into thinking that modesty is only about one person, with no consideration of a God who sees their heart or future spouse who may be watching. There is a freedom in modesty that needs to be redeemed, that needs to be fought for. It is through selflessness that we will achieve such a paradigm, looking to the interests of our God and our husband. As women this issue is something that will constantly be a battle we fight, but if we have our foundations rooted in the Christ of grace and love we will experience the freedom He came to bring us.
The Conclusion
Dictionary.com defines “modesty” as:
- the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
- regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
- simplicity; moderation.
9.08.2013
of hoping for mystery {part two}
Thank you so much to everyone who has graciously prayed for me in the past week or so. I am overwhelmed how not only people have sought the Lord on this, but the amount of people that the Lord has spoken to in return. It is so humbling to know that He is nudging peoples hearts and fighting for me in this way. He is awesome. Almost all of the finances have come together. There will be continued costs throughout the year, so if you are ever led, the "Donate" button won't be going anywhere. Your continued prayers are also more than appreciated - and if you wish to be added to my prayer calendar there are still several dates that need to be covered! Shoot me a text/email/FB message and I will get you some dates! If you missed what I am talking about in all of this, check out what I wrote here. On a side note, for those of you interested in having my mailing address in Montana, I will willingly get it to you via email or FB (and I hope to collect yours in return!) - I would rather not post it publicly on my blog, which I am sure many of you understand.
On to some other things. This past week was wonderful. I was able to visit different friends and say my "see ya later's" across the province of Ontario. I enjoyed many long conversations, laughing fits and times praying with so many amazing, blessed, kind and caring children of the King. I love being a part of this world. I traveled from Whitby - Exeter - St. Mary's through Stratford (beauty town) - Listowel - Ancaster - Burlington - Stoney Creek - Ancaster again - Mississauga and finally home! I ate McDonald's for the first time in over a year when I enjoyed lunch with my Grandpa - he had coupons and I didn't have the heart to tell him that I try to avoid fast food (not necessarily because I don't like it - more because once I start eating it, it's hard to stop!!). But he's too precious to pass up time with, so I reveled in eating my McNuggets and crispy, salted fries and his retelling of old stories and his most up-to-date health ailments (he had just been at his Dr. that morning). I love that man. I could likely go on about all the other amazing people I was able to spend time with - either over poutine, KD, or tea; budgets approvals, thoughtful conversation or drawn out explanations. I should say that I finally graduated this weekend as well, which is crazy since I never had any desire to graduate from University before - but I am an official Redeemer Alumni now! When my grad was finally over, all the "congratulations" and "goodbyes" had been said there, it felt really odd knowing I didn't have anywhere left to go but go home. And so here I am! After a day of rest and looking ahead to my final week home before jetting off to the west, I thought it would be best to give you all a little update, as well as offer you my next section of some of my thoughts on modesty.
I was encouraged by one of my Profs at the grad (and also in my final paper for him) that he is expecting a book from me [on this topic] at some point in the future - so who knows? My first year at Redeemer he called me out on the first paper and mentioned that I should consider writing a book. At the time I was blogging, but writing a book was never on my radar. We'll see how this year goes, and from there we'll see if a book is written! I will keep all of you faithful readers informed, and your prayers for this are always appreciated. In regards to 'hoping for mystery', there is a section here entitled "The Men." As a woman I don't often think about this, and so a lot of the thoughts there have been gleaned from conversations with guys, friends and boyfriends of friends, as well from different blogs written by men. I hope you enjoy part two - and stay tuned for part three sometime next week! (If you missed part one, I recommend reading it first by clicking here).
The Revelation
Finally, after several long and drawn out conversations with friends about what to wear and what not to wear, I felt I had struck gold. I was sipping on my caramel latté, laying out the issue of modesty to a sister in Christ, when suddenly I felt it all made sense.
I had been wrestling with where respect came in if I am comfortable enough in my body to clothe it with what I wanted, when I wanted and where I wanted when I realized that I cannot just dress for me. In fact, I do not even know if I can just dress for me and God. One blog I had read over a year ago got me thinking that maybe God does not care so much about my wearing of a short skirt as much as He cares how the actions I took reflected my heart while wearing said skirt. However, I felt strongly that if I just left it at all that I would still be missing a key piece to this seemingly complicated puzzle. It was then I realized that I cannot just dress for me and God if I do not factor in the third party of this little group, the husband that I expect to have standards for my life. On a personal level, I could stop considering what I wear at what makes me comfortable. It would not be fair to stop there, though, because then I could justify walking around Wal-Mart in nothing but my “birthday suit” because “hey! I’m comfortable with who I am.” This is often where the reasoning stops in our culture. We see women bearing all they have and other women and men applauding them for being so comfortable in their own skin. We see people push the clothing envelope and dress in ways that are completely unacceptable to witness at any age – yet this is extremely commonplace, especially when it comes to the celebrities we all know and admire. Most recently I was watching a video clip where two of the talk show hosts, both women, were critiquing an outfit that actress and singer Miley Cyrus wore to the Teen Choice Awards. The younger, likely in her mid-20’s, of the two hosts says, “I thought it was way too risqué for the Teen Choice Awards and all of her young fans,” putting emphasis on “Teen Choice Awards”, to which her older, almost motherly, co-host responds, before Chloe is even done with her sentence, “Oh, Chloe, are you a church lady?” If I stopped with modesty being about myself and my comfort, I sell myself short of the excitement of mystery that sexuality holds and that our culture has so tactfully destroyed. As much as culture seems to devalue the mystery, they still seem to glean from the church that there is something about sexuality and modesty that is relevant and exciting or else they would never consider it a response to a comment about extremely revealing clothing.
I am also not satisfied to limit modesty to being just about me and Christ, as I would again feel that I was selling myself short of the entire purpose of being modest. That is to say that when it comes to God, as I mentioned earlier, I am not sure that He really cares about the length of my skirt as much as the actions I take while wearing the skirt. He sees the posture of my heart and the intentions of my soul, and as the LORD says to Samuel in response to Samuel not understanding how David could be chosen as the next King of Israel, “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) I feel this concept is reiterated in Matthew 12:33-37 when Jesus is talking about being a good tree and bearing good fruit and that, “the good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.” (Matthew 12:35) God sees whether or not we are doing things out of selfish motivation or vain conceit. He knows whether or not I am wearing the skirt to get attention and distract or if I am just wearing it because I think it is cute. Body type and proportions also impact our perceptions of modesty and the choices we make. This happens quite often in high schools with girls and shorts. I cannot count how many conversations I have had with young girls who are frustrated with the fact that their bodies, the ones that God designed and planned especially for them, cause them so much grief on the basis of what they chose to put on that morning. I know many girls who honour God and love the Lord, yet feel so much shame because their legs are too long to wear a pair of shorts that would be deemed perfectly acceptable on a girl inches shorter than them. It is awful to know that just as the secular world has carved the path of having no boundaries on the wearing of clothes, the Christian world has laid down rules and regulations on women that end up not freeing them to respect others around them, but bring shame and frustration. In this the church also seems to apply a weakness to men that simply is not justified. (read a well articulated article on "The Myth of Male Weakness" here). I believe there are men out there who are not weak. I believe there are men out there that exist who can control their lust. If men have the mental capacity to undress a woman in a matter of seconds, I would like to think that God gave them the mental capacity to dress them back up. I believe there are men out there who will notice the girl on the beach with the one-piece swimsuit on and wonder why she feels the need to stand out when everybody else wants to blend in.
The Men
In order to not make this a sexist issue and continue to suggest that modesty is all about the woman, I need to address where the role of men comes in all of this. Again, it is wise to start at the beginning and take notice that God created man first. From there we can read through Scriptures and come across dozens and dozens of stories where God entrusted men with tasks, jobs and responsibilities beyond their capacity to actually accomplish. Throughout the Bible men are the ones who are called to submit to God. Culture cannot sit around and tell me that man is weak and man will fall into lust every time when we men in Scripture encountered lust, came face to face with it and resisted it. The most obvious example of this is the experience that Joseph had with Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39). I think men lose their sense of purpose when all around them culture dictates what they should be doing. They get caught up in habits that are easier submit to, as visual beings, than to submit to a God who is unseen and a purpose that is unknown. God wired the brains of men to be visually stimulated, and that as much as the eyes of man are “never satisfied” (Proverbs 27:20) we seem to give men very little responsibility to control that craving. Culture plays a huge role in this from the ease of access to pornography, to allowing sexually graphic and explicit scenes in PG rated movies. This sets men up to not even have to engage in relationship, cultivating commitment issues and unrealistic expectations that deflect them away from even asking a woman out to coffee. This is a far stretch from modesty only being a woman’s problem because if men were not a part of it, there would not be an issue to begin with. But to begin with, man was created and then woman. Man was first given a high charge, being placed in the Garden of Eden and entrusted with the care of that great, wonderful, honoured place (Genesis 2:15). Man was then given the opportunity to be exhibit integrity by following the command to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16-17). The Lord then called man to demonstrate responsibility in finding a mate by presenting every animal to him, and when no suitable helper was found the Lord put man to sleep (Genesis 2:19-21a). It is here where men do not stop, like they should as the Lord calls them to, but plough through, looking for and finding the forbidden fruit. With no thought of all the things he had been entrusted with, he takes and eats, as if nothing else ever needed to exist ever again except what woman offered.
Maybe – just maybe – if man took more time to pause and settle in to their caring, honourable, integrity filled purpose that had admirable responsibilities attached to it, they would be patient, excited and grateful when the right woman is finally presented to them (Genesis 2:22-23). And I think men are rarely called to this standard, and so with no standard to live up to men flounder in a culture searching desperately for the life raft that cannot be seen.
On to some other things. This past week was wonderful. I was able to visit different friends and say my "see ya later's" across the province of Ontario. I enjoyed many long conversations, laughing fits and times praying with so many amazing, blessed, kind and caring children of the King. I love being a part of this world. I traveled from Whitby - Exeter - St. Mary's through Stratford (beauty town) - Listowel - Ancaster - Burlington - Stoney Creek - Ancaster again - Mississauga and finally home! I ate McDonald's for the first time in over a year when I enjoyed lunch with my Grandpa - he had coupons and I didn't have the heart to tell him that I try to avoid fast food (not necessarily because I don't like it - more because once I start eating it, it's hard to stop!!). But he's too precious to pass up time with, so I reveled in eating my McNuggets and crispy, salted fries and his retelling of old stories and his most up-to-date health ailments (he had just been at his Dr. that morning). I love that man. I could likely go on about all the other amazing people I was able to spend time with - either over poutine, KD, or tea; budgets approvals, thoughtful conversation or drawn out explanations. I should say that I finally graduated this weekend as well, which is crazy since I never had any desire to graduate from University before - but I am an official Redeemer Alumni now! When my grad was finally over, all the "congratulations" and "goodbyes" had been said there, it felt really odd knowing I didn't have anywhere left to go but go home. And so here I am! After a day of rest and looking ahead to my final week home before jetting off to the west, I thought it would be best to give you all a little update, as well as offer you my next section of some of my thoughts on modesty.
I was encouraged by one of my Profs at the grad (and also in my final paper for him) that he is expecting a book from me [on this topic] at some point in the future - so who knows? My first year at Redeemer he called me out on the first paper and mentioned that I should consider writing a book. At the time I was blogging, but writing a book was never on my radar. We'll see how this year goes, and from there we'll see if a book is written! I will keep all of you faithful readers informed, and your prayers for this are always appreciated. In regards to 'hoping for mystery', there is a section here entitled "The Men." As a woman I don't often think about this, and so a lot of the thoughts there have been gleaned from conversations with guys, friends and boyfriends of friends, as well from different blogs written by men. I hope you enjoy part two - and stay tuned for part three sometime next week! (If you missed part one, I recommend reading it first by clicking here).
The Revelation
Finally, after several long and drawn out conversations with friends about what to wear and what not to wear, I felt I had struck gold. I was sipping on my caramel latté, laying out the issue of modesty to a sister in Christ, when suddenly I felt it all made sense.
I had been wrestling with where respect came in if I am comfortable enough in my body to clothe it with what I wanted, when I wanted and where I wanted when I realized that I cannot just dress for me. In fact, I do not even know if I can just dress for me and God. One blog I had read over a year ago got me thinking that maybe God does not care so much about my wearing of a short skirt as much as He cares how the actions I took reflected my heart while wearing said skirt. However, I felt strongly that if I just left it at all that I would still be missing a key piece to this seemingly complicated puzzle. It was then I realized that I cannot just dress for me and God if I do not factor in the third party of this little group, the husband that I expect to have standards for my life. On a personal level, I could stop considering what I wear at what makes me comfortable. It would not be fair to stop there, though, because then I could justify walking around Wal-Mart in nothing but my “birthday suit” because “hey! I’m comfortable with who I am.” This is often where the reasoning stops in our culture. We see women bearing all they have and other women and men applauding them for being so comfortable in their own skin. We see people push the clothing envelope and dress in ways that are completely unacceptable to witness at any age – yet this is extremely commonplace, especially when it comes to the celebrities we all know and admire. Most recently I was watching a video clip where two of the talk show hosts, both women, were critiquing an outfit that actress and singer Miley Cyrus wore to the Teen Choice Awards. The younger, likely in her mid-20’s, of the two hosts says, “I thought it was way too risqué for the Teen Choice Awards and all of her young fans,” putting emphasis on “Teen Choice Awards”, to which her older, almost motherly, co-host responds, before Chloe is even done with her sentence, “Oh, Chloe, are you a church lady?” If I stopped with modesty being about myself and my comfort, I sell myself short of the excitement of mystery that sexuality holds and that our culture has so tactfully destroyed. As much as culture seems to devalue the mystery, they still seem to glean from the church that there is something about sexuality and modesty that is relevant and exciting or else they would never consider it a response to a comment about extremely revealing clothing.
I am also not satisfied to limit modesty to being just about me and Christ, as I would again feel that I was selling myself short of the entire purpose of being modest. That is to say that when it comes to God, as I mentioned earlier, I am not sure that He really cares about the length of my skirt as much as the actions I take while wearing the skirt. He sees the posture of my heart and the intentions of my soul, and as the LORD says to Samuel in response to Samuel not understanding how David could be chosen as the next King of Israel, “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) I feel this concept is reiterated in Matthew 12:33-37 when Jesus is talking about being a good tree and bearing good fruit and that, “the good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.” (Matthew 12:35) God sees whether or not we are doing things out of selfish motivation or vain conceit. He knows whether or not I am wearing the skirt to get attention and distract or if I am just wearing it because I think it is cute. Body type and proportions also impact our perceptions of modesty and the choices we make. This happens quite often in high schools with girls and shorts. I cannot count how many conversations I have had with young girls who are frustrated with the fact that their bodies, the ones that God designed and planned especially for them, cause them so much grief on the basis of what they chose to put on that morning. I know many girls who honour God and love the Lord, yet feel so much shame because their legs are too long to wear a pair of shorts that would be deemed perfectly acceptable on a girl inches shorter than them. It is awful to know that just as the secular world has carved the path of having no boundaries on the wearing of clothes, the Christian world has laid down rules and regulations on women that end up not freeing them to respect others around them, but bring shame and frustration. In this the church also seems to apply a weakness to men that simply is not justified. (read a well articulated article on "The Myth of Male Weakness" here). I believe there are men out there who are not weak. I believe there are men out there that exist who can control their lust. If men have the mental capacity to undress a woman in a matter of seconds, I would like to think that God gave them the mental capacity to dress them back up. I believe there are men out there who will notice the girl on the beach with the one-piece swimsuit on and wonder why she feels the need to stand out when everybody else wants to blend in.
The Men
In order to not make this a sexist issue and continue to suggest that modesty is all about the woman, I need to address where the role of men comes in all of this. Again, it is wise to start at the beginning and take notice that God created man first. From there we can read through Scriptures and come across dozens and dozens of stories where God entrusted men with tasks, jobs and responsibilities beyond their capacity to actually accomplish. Throughout the Bible men are the ones who are called to submit to God. Culture cannot sit around and tell me that man is weak and man will fall into lust every time when we men in Scripture encountered lust, came face to face with it and resisted it. The most obvious example of this is the experience that Joseph had with Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39). I think men lose their sense of purpose when all around them culture dictates what they should be doing. They get caught up in habits that are easier submit to, as visual beings, than to submit to a God who is unseen and a purpose that is unknown. God wired the brains of men to be visually stimulated, and that as much as the eyes of man are “never satisfied” (Proverbs 27:20) we seem to give men very little responsibility to control that craving. Culture plays a huge role in this from the ease of access to pornography, to allowing sexually graphic and explicit scenes in PG rated movies. This sets men up to not even have to engage in relationship, cultivating commitment issues and unrealistic expectations that deflect them away from even asking a woman out to coffee. This is a far stretch from modesty only being a woman’s problem because if men were not a part of it, there would not be an issue to begin with. But to begin with, man was created and then woman. Man was first given a high charge, being placed in the Garden of Eden and entrusted with the care of that great, wonderful, honoured place (Genesis 2:15). Man was then given the opportunity to be exhibit integrity by following the command to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16-17). The Lord then called man to demonstrate responsibility in finding a mate by presenting every animal to him, and when no suitable helper was found the Lord put man to sleep (Genesis 2:19-21a). It is here where men do not stop, like they should as the Lord calls them to, but plough through, looking for and finding the forbidden fruit. With no thought of all the things he had been entrusted with, he takes and eats, as if nothing else ever needed to exist ever again except what woman offered.
Maybe – just maybe – if man took more time to pause and settle in to their caring, honourable, integrity filled purpose that had admirable responsibilities attached to it, they would be patient, excited and grateful when the right woman is finally presented to them (Genesis 2:22-23). And I think men are rarely called to this standard, and so with no standard to live up to men flounder in a culture searching desperately for the life raft that cannot be seen.
9.03.2013
of needing help.
dearest friends.
If you've made it here, thank you. What you're about to read is extremely difficult to admit and ask for. In fact, my flesh is telling me not to do this, but Holy Spirit is challenging me to write. During the past several months of waiting on God and seeing provision come in has been amazing. However there is still some work left to do. Through this whole process the Lord has been stretching me, and we're in the final bit of stretch (I think? maybe?) What's left to be done isn't easy: I have to admit I'm the weakest. That I cannot do anything about this. That there is no such thing as being 'independent' when you're chasing after a God who just wants to be your all as you are all His. And that's where I'm stuck. I'm stuck because I always want to do things on my own. I never want to ask for help. It's hard to ask for prayer. It's not easy to admit you're the chiefest of sinners. I'm in need of depending on God, and He is challenging me to ask others to witness. My biggest fear in all of this, of being this honest, is the rejection. Anybody who reads what I am writing has the ability to discard what I am asking, or to percieve what I am writing as dishonest and trivial. I risk being judged, scorned and hurt with this, and that is what scares me the most. But God is a God who is full of love, and I am asking you to help me trust that God.
As many of you are aware in just a few short weeks I'll be transitioning to Montana to spend 9 months studying Scripture with Youth With a Mission taking their School of Biblical Studies program. The course uses an inductive Bible study approach to allow students to critically look at and apply Scripture to our lives. Emphasis is put on teaching the historical context of each book, and discerning what is still applicable today as a timeless truth. I am really excited about this amazing opportunity to further my call in ministry, and I have no doubt God will use this experience to deepen my knowledge of Him that will provide me with a stronger foundation to teach and minister to youth.
With such a step in my journey, however, come some mountains
that I need to move - and I realize time and again that I just cannot move
these on my own. I am asking for your
prayers for this as I am still in need of about $2,300 $1,450 to cover the cost of the
tuition for the school. God has been
amazing and used so many people (including several of you) to help move this
mountain - but there is just a little bit left.
I hope you will join me in prayer as I hope in Christ that He will
provide for this as this is hard to bear on my own. I constantly wonder what more I can do, and I
keep coming to dead ends except for Jesus saying to me, "Just be you and
be loved by me." This is SO hard
when you want to do something about a situation, but you just can't. It is humbling to have to ask for help, and
as much as I thought the Lord had humbled me enough, I was wrong. I need to fully rely on Him for all my needs,
the biggest of which right now is a financial burden that I can't articulate
myself.
I ask that you commit to praying for me for a few minutes
when you read this, and that the Lord would open doors to make a way for me to
attend the SBS. I have felt strongly
about attending this YWAM program in Montana, and God has already provided
several affirmations and a significant portion of the finances needed.
If the Lord leads you, donations can be accepted through
PayPal by following the link on the right side of my blog - if you need to, you might need to scroll down (or up?) until you see the "Donate" button. If you are led and are able, any donation
will go extremely far! However, I understand that many of you are already committed to other extremely worthy causes, missionaries and organizations, as well as having your own financial obligations. I understand this! This is why I first ask for your prayer. Nothing God ordained can come without prayer, and it is the backbone of any goodness or redemption we will ever witness.
If it helps you to commit to assisting me in any way, I will make some
commitments back to you:
1. Please never hesitate to email if you ever need
prayer. I would be more than happy to
enter the throne room on your behalf.
The Lord loves you as His child and would do anything for you. It would be my honour to seek Him with you and for you.
2. For every person that donates $5 or more I will give up a
day of buying Starbucks. Many of you
know I am a local "buxie", and even though I have cut back
significantly over the past 6 months (I used to go every day, now I maybe go a
few times a month!), I would still love to go often, especially for the
fellowship I enjoy with other regulars.
However, I will commit to not purchasing any drinks there if you commit
to helping me in this journey. That
said, if 100 people donate $5 or more, I won't buy anything from Starbucks for 100 days. Make sense?
I hope you consider helping me in one way or another. I especially covet your prayers as I know and
have experienced the power of prayer.
God loves when we seek Him, and He loves to provide for us. Join me in waiting on Him to see this happen
for SBS.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and
consider my struggle with me.
The song in the video below has been on my heart for nearly 24 hours. I fell asleep to it and I woke up to it. I need to trust that God will come through for me. I hope you can trust with me. These words encourage me to know that all God wants is to be with me - to be with you. To love on us a little longer. Thank you for being loved. Thank you for loving.
Blessings and love,
erika
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