of hoping for mystery {part 3}

Here are my final thoughts (for now) on the topic of "modesty".  I don't have much to say to really finish this little series off.  I hope you take into consideration not so much what you are wearing as so much as you wonder to yourself (and then take action) on why you are wearing what you've chosen to wear. I am looking forward to studying this topic" much more in depth over the next year or so, and I will make you all very aware of the conclusions when I make them!  In case you are just hopping in, I encourage you to read {part 1} and {part 2} before reading {part 3}.  I hope you've enjoyed these thoughts with me - I have certainly enjoyed all the conversations (and will likely continue to enjoy them!! :))

The Reason
The conversation still rings in my ears.  I was considering, with Holy Spirit, why this summer, like every other summer, I would choose to wear a bikini.

Holy Spirit: Why do you feel the need to wear a bikini?
                                                         Erika: Well because I like to tan my stomach.
HS: And who sees your stomach?
                                                         E: I do.
                              *silence*
HS: Congratulations, you just found the world’s thinnest argument.

    It was then that I first asked why. Why did I feel the need to dress in a way that showed off more of my skin to more people than the amount of skin my sheets saw when I crawled into bed at night?  And I just didn’t have an answer.  My response was weak and stretching to be justified, as if I had good reason for never having thought this out before.  Yet – a part of me felt freedom in the conclusion.  A whole wonderful, mysterious, seemingly new part of me actually got excited about the thought of covering up on the beach.  Not that I was prepared to wear a burka, but the prospect of swimsuit shopping to purchase a suit that meant I did not have to work out and get “beach body ready” sounded like a great plan to me!  So I set off with the goal in mind of buying a suit that made me look great, but still covered up that area of skin that I no longer felt the need to show.  It was as if I had been waiting my whole life to hear that it was okay that I did not express my “comfortability” by wearing very little material for a very expensive price. 
Right before I experienced this freedom I came to the conclusion with a slam of my latté down on the table that startled my friend.  In my mind, it all came down to being about me, God and my future husband.  As marriage is something I desire, would not it only make sense to dress in a way that my husband will respect?  If I am only dressing for me I can justify wearing anything, whether it is socially acceptable or not.  When I think only for myself and my interests, I act selfishly and in vain.  If I am only dressing for me and God I will likely fall into the traps the church has unfortunately laid for women that says your body is a distraction and men are too weak to deal with the sight of them, creating in me a sense of shame that was never God’s intention when He first clothed Adam and Eve.  He clothed them, I believe, to show them the depth of His love and the yearning for redemption in the area of relationship.  This is where respecting your husband, above all other men, comes in.
The fact of the matter is that every man will likely feel respected in a different way.  The challenge that I face is this: what kind of man would I like to attract?  If I am looking to attract a man who wants me to make sure the world sees what a looker he has got, I will make sure to wear outfits that attract him in the first place.  If I am looking to attract a man of God, I will dress in a way that keeps my God-given body shrouded in mystery.
Scripture calls wives to submit to their husbands as husbands submit to God.  Ephesians 5:22-33 talks us through how a man ought to love his wife, and it is repeated that he is to love “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” and that “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”  If, when I marry, my body is joined to his and we become one, then that means that the way I dress now is not just about me, but about me, God and my husband because my body belongs to them.
I have heard it said that “good things come to those who wait.”  Frequently we ignore this phrase because are not patient enough to wait and see what the good thing will be.  But when it comes to modesty I think we need to take time to wait and consider the implications of our actions if we remove the responsibility of somebody else’s sin and place the ownership back where it belongs.  This is a double edged sword as it does not give us free reign to do whatever we want, but own what is ours in turn.  That said, it is not possible to stop any man from lusting after any one woman.  However it is possible for each woman to dress in a way that honours the man she desires to submit to.  Through this act of humility she honours God with the motivation of her heart postured in a pure, selfless manner.  With this mindset I glean a sense of freedom in the way I dress as it sets boundaries that are respectable to me and hopefully my future husband.  It proves modesty to be a lot simpler than rules and slogans that only confuse young people, tricking them into thinking that modesty is only about one person, with no consideration of a God who sees their heart or future spouse who may be watching.  There is a freedom in modesty that needs to be redeemed, that needs to be fought for.  It is through selflessness that we will achieve such a paradigm, looking to the interests of our God and our husband.  As women this issue is something that will constantly be a battle we fight, but if we have our foundations rooted in the Christ of grace and love we will experience the freedom He came to bring us.

The Conclusion   
Dictionary.com defines “modesty” as:

1. the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
2. regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc. 
3. simplicity; moderation.   

A blogger I read referred to the topic by saying, “…modesty itself is a subjective socio-cultural construct.”  I would have to agree with what this author is suggesting – that modesty in and of itself can have its own wonderfully prolific dictionary definition, but we still find it hard to define.  One of my personal blind spots up until recently was how broad modesty is, and even when we talk about modesty in the way we dress there is something so much deeper and wider going on behind the scenes than a simple set of rules of things we can and cannot wear.  There is a beauty beneath, a mystery that is longing to be presented and solved, not by several people, but by one person.  If we can look to be people who live selflessly, who hope for good marriages that honour their spouse in every aspect of their life, including dress, and who can revel in the grace and love of Christ I think we will all do well in achieving modesty.